Oceans of Inquiry

I don't usually listen to a lot of Contemporary Christian Music but sometimes I hear songs with lyrics that really touch me and it makes me willing to pay to own the mp3.  One of these songs most applicable to my current situation is called Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real.  These are the lyrics:

I think that the line I have the most trouble with is in the chorus where it says "It feel like chaos, but somehow there's peace."  When I evaluate myself a lot of the time I find that I'm not at peace like I'd like to be.  In some ways I like to think of it as being content but not necessarily being comfortable.  It's kind of bizarre to think about, but whenever I think about having peace about the decisions that I make I always go back to when I decided to go to PHC for college.  At the time, I had never made a decision before and then even since, that I have been more at peace about.  It seems kind of ironic that it should be like that for me but it is.  The thing is though that while I was there, I came the closest that I ever have to knowing God.  Not that I knew him completely or fully by any means, but I was much closer to knowing him and trusting him.  And there were times where I really felt very free and peaceful even when not so great things were happening.  

In a friendship, if someone is not real or honest in the relationship it's extremely difficult to have any kind of trust and it's very difficult for two people to get to know each other.  But in my relationship with God, who already knows me inside and out, I think this makes me complacent and comfortable that I don't have to contribute anything to the relationship.

I won't say that feeling free to be myself was a pre-requisite to my knowing God, but actually the opposite.  It was because I was getting to know God better that I became more content with who I was.

Part of the problem (not really a problem but more a stumbling-block) with getting to know God better I think is that there is no systematic way or exact formula that I can see (That if you just pray this prayer or you do this one thing.  Maybe God finds it way more interesting that way then say some formula?)  I think there are principles and probably the similar result of simply knowing God better and the resulting state of being because of that, but the journey to get there I think is different for everybody. 

So I don't know, I'm mostly just mindlessly talking right now.  So maybe for now I'll just pray that God will show me how to know him better.  I believe that he wants me to, but I keep putting it off thinking that there must be something I'm supposed to be doing for Him. But now I'm thinking that maybe for now it's probably as simple as just spending time with him so I can get to know him better.  Otherwise it must just seem like me asking some cosmic boss what I'm supposed to do; a boss that I'm not really interested in having a relationship with but whom I'm simply required to listen to because he's my superior.  I don't want that.